Communication skills training should serve several purposes. Some of you believe that communication skills are only about talking more effectively in almost every situation I say almost every situation because there are some encounters that you have in life where the smart thing to do is to run. Even theKung Fu masters teach that…”

Fortunately for most of the challenges that you meet in your life there is no need to run for your life

What is it that you should learn on a communications skills training

It is important that you consider what it is that you want to communicate, before you do anything else What is The result or outcome from this interaction? Once you have worked this out you will know the reason for making the effort to communicate

What is the best “state” that you can be in to approach the other person.The word “state” has some very specific meanings which I will outline for you below

State simply refers to your physical, mental and emotional condition. Obviously if you are going to discuss a debt problem with your bank manager then being in an angry state would not be useful… Being relaxed and prepared to listen about how you can work together to solve your issues would be a useful state.

You would also want to buildempathy and establish mutual goals with those you wish to relate to. You could do this by working out common aims and values ie: if Xhappens then does that means that Ywill happen.
You would build the respect and understanding by using rapport skills such as matching and mirroring and this may also include kinaesthetic , auditory and watching the other person as a way to build rapport .

mutual respect is the fastest way to achieve trust and understanding with those you are in a dialogue with.

It would also be useful to be in a relaxed stateas that will affect how you are seen. This can be done by using an NLP technique known as anchoring, which is a variation on what pavlov did with his dogs ( Minus the bell though I guess you could use a bell too if you really wanted to. )

One of the most important things that a communications skill training teaches you is which person really has the problem That is to say.. “Which one of us is unhappy with this situation?”

The reason to establish who owns the problemis because this knowledge will determine what method you will use to resolve any issue.

There are severalof these strategies.

They include I messagesand reflective listening.These are the skills that you will use when YOU are the one who is unhappy

When the other person owns the problem then you would use rapport and attending skills and also use a problem solving strategy. Reflective listening is extremely good for this. And when it is used correctly the other party fixes their own issues which is really cool as that means you don’t have to do it for them.

When you both own a problem then you will need completely different communication skills. These include
win win resolving conflict skills values influencing; modeling; and consulting.

lets look at these one at a time.

Values influencing.is where you will seek out common values that are important to both of you so that you then have some common ground to start. reaching agreementYou can also show the other person that these values are important to you

Which brings me to the next skill which is demonstrating what’s important to you
Modeling in a communication skills context simply means walking your talk… You will demonstrate the values and behaviors that work for you and hopefully the other person will be inspired enough to alter their behavior enough and you can both live with it.

There are two other things that you can do when you’re not happy with someone elses actions

The first of these is consulting which basically means 1/ being a knowledgeable expert and 2/getting hired. This is way too complex to go into here as this is the subject of the transforming communication training seminar. If you get these two things right you stand a chance of being a consultant….

The final thing you can do when all else fails is to change the relationship.