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Conflict Resolution Activities

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[audio:http://www.transformingcommunication.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/conflict1.mp3|titles=conflict1.mp3]

You will be using the Transforming Communication skills to assist two or more friends to find win-win solutions. This is essentially a helping situation, where you, the facilitator, use open questions and reflective listening to help the others clarify their position and work through the win-win conflict resolution steps. Unless the result affects you, the facilitator, you will be best to avoid trying to solve the problem yourself.

Some Keys To Facilitating Conflict Resolution:

  1. Begin with open questions (eg “What has been the problem?”) and reflective listening both people at once (eg “So you’re both pretty upset about this situation.”). Check that you have an agreement to begin finding a win-win solution (a partnership). You may use the partnership preframes:
    •     Establish partnership “I believe you are in this together, and need each other to work it out”
    •     Refer to the whole relationship “This is only one aspect of your relationship.”
    •     Affirm possibilities “I’m sure together we can generate many options for solving this in a way that works for both of you.”

    •     Accept disagreement “Disagreeing doesn’t mean we can’t remember things we agree on.”
    •     Acknowledge specific difficulties “I know in the past you’ve had trouble due to a tendency to…. This time lets experiment by…”
  2. Continue to restate both people’s needs and check for a full definition of
    needs
    (eg “So you want… because… AND you want… because__”). Once
    you have this, invite brainstorming of solutions (eg “So what ways could we get… AND…?”)
  3. Acknowledge all solutions and hold off evaluating until you have at least three choices. Do not buy into being the “police” for the solutions. It is their problem, not yours. If you need to state your concern at any time, use an I message. Restate any critical comments by them into the I message format. Eg Conflict participant: “He’s been completely uncooperative through this conversation.” Faciltator: “So you’ve felt really frustrated at some of the comments he’s made.”

You will be the facilitator, using the Transforming Communication skills you’ve learned so far. Have pen and paper ready so that you can keep track of the proposed solutions.
Each of you read their own role (shown below), after deciding who’s playing who.
Work through the win-win process for about 20 minutes. At the end of this time, stop and discuss what progress you’ve made, and what it was like to be in the role.
Stand up and leave behind the role you had when sitting in the seat. Remember that you are now yourself again, and look at the other friends and remember those people are also back now.

Here are some possible scenarios. Choose the one you like best:

Scenario 1
Mum/Dad
Your two children Francis/Frances (age 6) and Robyn/Robin (age 5) share a bedroom. They are currently yelling at each other about the lego blocks they have been playing with. You enter the room and offer to help. Remember, the two of them own this problem with each other. If in doubt, reflective listen.

Francis/Frances, age 6
You and your brother/sister Robyn/Robin (age 5) were playing with lego blocks in your shared bedroom. You had begun building a tower while she/he was still trying to decide what to do. Halfway through, he/she started to say she/he wanted some of the blocks you had already used in the tower. When you told him/her that wasnt fair as you were using them, he/she went to grab them. Dad/mum comes in as you are yelling at each other.

Robyn/Robin, age 5
You and your brother/sister Frances/Francis (age 6) were playing with the lego blocks in your shared bedroom. He/she had been building a tower while you were deciding what to do. Now she/he has used all the good long pieces. You want to share them all out and so you said you should have some of the long blocks. He/she said that’s not fair, and so you tried to take them anyway. Mum/dad comes in as you are yelling at each other.

Scenario 2
Mum/Dad
You have two children; Sandy (age 13) and Ricky (age 11). The two of them have been having ongoing conflicts about the use of the bathroom hi the mornings. You live in a house with two bathrooms, one of which is used by the children, and one of which is an ensuite off your room. It’s now afternoon and the two children are reading books in the same room. You decide to go in and offer to discuss the morning problem. Remember though, it’s their problem. If in doubt, reflective listen.

Sandy, age 13
Its your last year at primary/elementary school. For the last couple of months you have had a crush on a certain girl/boy in your class. He/she seems to like you and its very important for you to look good for school, so you like to spend quite a bit of time in the bathroom in the mornings. Your little brother/sister (Ricky, age 11) tends to interrupt you halfway through this process, barging into the room. Its embarrassing because you spend quite a bit of time in front of the mirror. You don’t want to look vain, and doubt that she/he could understand the situation. Fights often result. Mum/dad has to stop them. It’s now afternoon. You are reading. Mum/dad comes in.

Ricky, age 11
Every morning you get to the bathroom late: you have always been an early waker, and bolted your breakfast; but you like to read or play in the morning before school a bit. By the time you need to get a wash and tidy up for school, your brother/sister (Sandy, age 13) is usually in the bathroom. He/she seems to want to take ages lately so you try to push in to get washed so you won’t be late. A fight often results, which mum/dad often breaks up. It’s now afternoon and the two of you are reading books in the same room. Dad/mum comes in.

Scenario 3
Teacher
Last week you assigned the students to pairs randomly, to work on a project. They have been allotted four hours a week of class time for 4 weeks, to do this work, but are welcome to use whatever time suits them. This morning (Tuesday) Robyn/Robin, age 29 (who has been working with Jude, age 18) came to you and asked you to swap pairs to work with an older student. You suggested the two of them come to see you now, at lunchtime, to discuss the problem. Remember, the students own this problem with each other. If in doubt, reflective listen. All the other groups are currently doing okay, so swapping pairs at this stage wouldn’t be likely to succeed.

Jude
You are Jude, age 18. You were a little uncertain about being paired with Robyn/Robin for this exercise, as he/she is so much older (29). Early on, Robyn/Robin seemed to want to dominate the process; setting a time to meet at her place on Saturday at 10am (when you usually sleep in) and telling you what she thought was the best way to divide up the work. You didnt turn up on Saturday (slept in as usual) and didn’t have Robyn/Robin’s phone number to ring and explain. Feeling a little guilty, you checked out your part of the project (the part Robyn/Robin assigned you) and have started doing that work. On your return on Monday, Robyn seemed angry, and has now asked to meet with you and your teacher. You feel treated like a child, dominated and resentful. It’s important to you that you have a more equal say in how things are planned, but you suspect Ihat the tutor will side with Robyn/Robin as an older student. You won’t explain your feelings of being dominated unless it feels safe to do so. It is now Tuesday lunchtime.

Robyn/Robin
You are Robyn/Robin, age 29. You felt uneasy being paired with Jude (age 18) who tends to be fairly easy going about time. Early on you decided you’d need to organise the project yourself, as he/she seemed a little uncertain about this. You suggested a way of dividing up the work, and offered to meet at your place at 10am on Saturday. You hoped mis would be a chance to get to know Jude better, and get off on a good footing. You even baked some cakes for morning tea. When Jude didn’t turn up you felt resentful, your suspicions confirmed. Now you imagine the whole project will be a similar hassle, and would like to see if you can swap partners and work with one of the older students. You’ve asked the teacher if this is possible, and he/she has invited you to a meeting with Jude. You feel reluctant to come to this (because of Jude’s failure to keep to the previous commitment you made) but are prepared to explain the problem to the teacher there- It is now Tuesday lunchtime.

Scenario 4
General Manager

You are the general manager of Transmutations, a company which produces recyclable plastic container products. The company has a staff of over 300 organised into four main divisions; Engineering, Manufacturing, Marketing and Administration. The company’s main positioning is as an ecologically responsible firm which sells products to other ecologically responsible corporations. Recently the company learned that a competitor was releasing a range of products in a new plastic made from vegetable matter. Recognising the competitive advantage of the new plastic, Transmutations hired a specialist in the new material and set about developing its own line of Vegeplastics. The release date is set for 4 months from now, but the products are behind schedule due to a series of unforseen manufacturing problems. The Director of Manufacturing has had to cope with an overload of decisions as unexpected problems need to be dealt with, and decisions made about how much money to spend on solving them etc. He/She wants the schedule for release reset to 6 months from now. The Director of Marketing is horrified at this proposal which, She/He says, will effectively loose them several important customers. The Director of Marketing is in favour of streamlining the decision-making process by “decentralising” the Manufacturing division. This would mean letting workers make their own decisions more, and so perhaps getting the job done faster. She/He is also frustrated that Manufacturing has such poor links with Marketing (the directors don’t meet regularly, for example).
You have in your office the Directors of Marketing and Manufacturing. Remember that they own the problem. Your task is to facilitate them finding the best solution for the company.
1. Reflective listen.
2. Use an I message if you need to present your own concern.
3. If there are disagreements:

  • reflective listen
  • check needs “So you want… because… and you want… because…”
  • check for shared outcome “So we’re looking for a solution that… and…”
  • acknowledge suggested solutions,
  • encourage evaluating and selecting solutions.

Director of Manufacturing
You are the Director of Manufacturing at Transmutations, a company which produces recyclable plastic container products. The company has a staff of over 300 organised into four main divisions; Engineering, Manufacturing, Marketing and Administration. The company’s main positioning is as an ecologically responsible firm which sells products to other ecologically responsible corporations. Recently the company learned that a competitor was releasing a range of products in a new plastic made from vegetable matter. Recognising the competitive advantage of the new plastic, Transmutations hired a specialist in the new material and set about developing its own line of Vegeplastics. The release date is set for 4 months from now, but the products are behind schedule due to a series of unforseen manufacturing problems.

You have had to cope with an overload of decisions as unexpected production problems need to be dealt with, and decisions made about how much money to spend on solving them etc. The new material cannot simply be run through the machines as if it were the old material. You’ve heard that the Director of Marketing has suggested that maybe you could let your workers make more of the decisions, and that would free up your time and get the job done quicker. You know that in the past, simply leaving the workers on the shop floor to make decisions has resulted in products emerging with inadequate standards or with undesired properties, and you are held responsible. It takes time to supervise the reorganisation of the manufacturing process. You have asked that the schedule for release be reset to 6 months from now. The Director of Marketing is horrified at this proposal which, she/he says, will effectively loose them several important customers. She/he is also frustrated that Manufacturing has such poor links with Marketing. She/he would like to meet with you regularly to discuss how jobs are progressing. You suspect she/he doesn’t understand the difficulties you have had to cope with.
You are currently meeting with the Director of Marketing and the Managing Director, in the Managing Director’s office. The Managing Director has offered to facilitate sorting out the problem.

Director of Marketing
You are the Director of Marketing at Transmutations, a company which produces recyclable plastic container products. The company has a staff of over 300 organised into four main divisions; Engineering, Manufacturing, Marketing and Administration. The company’s main positioning is as an ecologically responsible firm which sells products to other ecologically responsible corporations. Recently the company learned that a competitor was releasing a range of products in a new plastic made from vegetable matter. Recognising the competitive advantage of the new plastic, Transmutations hired a specialist in the new material and set about developing its own line of Vegeplastics. The release date is set for 4 months from now, but the products are behind schedule due to a series of unforseen manufacturing problems. The Managing Director reports being overwhelmed by the load of decisions as unexpected production problems need to be dealt with, and decisions made about how much money to spend on solving them etc. He/she has asked that the schedule for release be reset to 6 months from now. You are horrified at mis proposal which, could effectively loose the company several important customers, who might switch to the competitors’ products. You are in favour of streamlining the decision-making process by “decentralising” the Manufacturing division. You think that if the Director of Manufacturing would let her/his workers make more decisions in their own workgroups, then maybe decisions would be made faster and the job would get done sooner. You are also frustrated that manufacturing has such poor links with Marketing. You wish you had regular meetings with the Director of Manufacturing. With more communication, Manufacturing would have understood the need for speed. Loss of customers is loss of money, which affects everyone.
You are currently meeting with the Director of Manufacturing and the Managing Director, in the Managing Director’s office. The Managing Director has offered to facilitate sorting out the problem.