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Module 3 Return to Dashboard
Module 3.1
Module 3.2
Module 3.3
Welcome back for the third module. In the last module you learned how to create the most important of all communication skills: rapport. To remind you what rapport is: it is that good feeling you get with friends, colleagues or family that you know really well. The sense that you and they are almost sharing one mind. You practiced rapport skills in situations where it was fine to be in rapport with the other person.
You also learned to ‘anchor’ yourself into a resourceful state of mind such as being relaxed. And you will have created a relaxation anchor for yourself by pressing your thumb and forefinger together every time you were relaxed, so that you can now get into a relaxed state easily and quickly when you need to.
And in module 1 you learned how to set an outcome or a goal in 7 very specific steps.
This module is about clarifying the situation you’re in so you know which communication skills will work most effectively.
Before we can learn the core skills of transforming Communication, we need to be clear on one thing: when to use which skills. Probably you’ve known someone who went to an assertiveness training course and came back shouting at everyone, or someone who went to a counselling skills course and came back talking to everyone as if they were a client. Different communication skills have different uses. For example, there are times when you’d choose not to get in rapport with someone (perhaps someone whose taking up valuable time trying to convince you about something you don’t want to discuss).
In this module we’ll work with a model for identifying the most effective skills for each situation. Let me give you an example of what I mean:
David Brandon is an author and a lecturer on Social Change and Helping Skills at London University. Early on in his career he had a live-in position as a Social Worker in an institution in London. Living in the room next to his was a woman named Joanna, who was diagnosed as “acute schizophrenic”.
Day and night while Brandon was at his home, she would shout out about him, claiming he was sending laser beams through the walls and raping her. Brandon worked very hard to communicate with Joanna; he tried every counselling skill he’d learned, but he seemed to make no progress in building rapport or calming down her panic.
One weekend, Brandon was working on a rewrite of a pamphlet which had to be finished for a publication deadline by Monday. He was tired and exhausted. Every time he used the typewriter, Joanna would scream that he was raping her with the laser machine. He tried pleading with her, and attempting to joke with her. He tried every counselling intervention he could think of. He was beginning to feel rather depressed – here he was claiming to be an expert on helping people, and he couldn’t even get the woman next door to calm down.
Finally, a totally unexpected idea occurred to him. He took a copy of his old pamphlet, and attached a carefully written note to it. He pushed this under the door of Joanna’s room. And the screaming stopped. And for the rest of the weekend he was able to type in silence.
You may wonder what he wrote – it may occur to you that there are a few people who could do with that note under their door. But before I tell you what was in the note, notice that what was needed here was the right skill. Not more force, or someone else to help, but for David Brandon to identify the right skill for that situation. That’s what this module is about.