…Richard: That’s something very important that came out of John Gottman’s research in the States again. Whereas that, in fact, if you try and use the conflict resolution process that works when there’s a very concrete, specific ‘who uses the car on Friday night’, ‘who gets to put [...]]]>

Here’s part 8 of the transforming communication interview:

…Richard: That’s something very important that came out of John Gottman’s research in the States again. Whereas that, in fact, if you try and use the conflict resolution process that works when there’s a very concrete, specific ‘who uses the car on Friday night’, ‘who gets to put their desk where around the office’, that kind of situation, if you’re trying to use that method that would work there with some of these wider kind of values conflicts about: what do you think is really important in life, what are your beliefs about what we’re doing here, the same skills won’t work in that other situation. And that happens in a lot of teams, that happens in a lot of couples.

They’ve got fine skills but they’re using them in the wrong situation.

Michael: So basically, people are trying to unlock the door but they’re using the wrong key?

Richard: Exactly. That’s a perfect analogy: they’ve got a key that works great in another door but it’s the wrong one.

Michael: Or perhaps even the wrong door.

Richard: Yeah.

Michael: So, do you have some sort of … what some people, some of my colleagues refer to as a big hairy audacious goal for you, your life, and for the whole Transforming Communication system?

R: Absolutely, and that became really really clear to me when I was in Bosnia and I walked around villages and cities there, that have been so destroyed by this horrific war and I talked to person after person. And here’s the most extraordinary thing: as I would talk to each of these people, pretty much the first thing most people in Bosnia would say to me is: it didn’t need to happen. This was right after the war, I was coming in there to do training. And it would be the first thing that people would say: it didn’t need to happen…

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Find out more in part 9 of the Transforming Communication interview…

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