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Activity to demonstrate the power of consulting:
Get together with a friend, perhaps the friend who accompanied you throughout this course.
From the following statements, select one where one of you agrees with it and the other does not. One of you declares a ‘yes’, the other a ‘no’.
These statements are:
- Men and women should be treated differently because they have different emotional natures.
- All employers of six or more people should be required to hire an equal number of men and women.
- Employers should be required to hire a percentage of staff from ethnic minorities which matches their percentage in the population.
- If people don’t arrange their own insurance, they should not get government handouts for health care.
- The business of business should be business, and not “social responsibility”.
- Abortion should be each individual woman’s right to decide.
- Corporal punishment should be used in schools.
- Capital punishment should be used for some cases of murder.
- A person who observes a crime and does nothing should be charged with that crime.
- Children over the age of 14 should have the vote.
- Parents should have the right to choose their children’s high school.
- All factories should be run by a system of community control.
- The Bible should be the basis of our laws.
- It should be against the law for parents to hit children.
- Attendance at a Transforming Communication seminar should be required before someone is issued a marriage licence.
- Nudity in public should be allowed.
- Marijuana use should be legal.
Elect one person A, and the other person B. It is very important that the discussion you will be having with each other is in the following strict sequence.
- Person A describes their opinion about the statement, using an I message.
- Person B listens reflectively to this, until person A agrees that their main point has been understood.
- Person B describes their opinion with an I message.
- Person A listens reflectively to person B’s satisfaction. Repeat the process at least twice.
Did you discover that you actually agreed? Did either of you shift your positions? Or did you become more accepting of your difference?
Usually a variety of results occur. Some people say “We found out that we actually agreed, so it wasn’t a good test.” Actually, this is what would happen in many values conflicts in the world, if only people use listening skills and I messages!